


Appreciation

by tehhumi



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom!Bucky, Bucky is not in a mental state capable of giving consent, Consent Issues, Dubious Consent, Extremely Dubious Consent, HYDRA Trash Compactor Challenge, HYDRA Trash Party, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It's very minor though, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, POV Bucky Barnes, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Penile injury, Sex Pollen, equating arousal with cosent, top!steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:59:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tehhumi/pseuds/tehhumi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has taken Bucky in after HYDRA collapsed, and treated him very kindly.  Bucky just wants to show how thankful he is for all Steve has done. </p><p>Fill for the February HYDRA Trash Compactor Challenge "Bucky Barnes/the Winter Soldier (depending on when you choose to situate this chronologically) intentionally doses himself with sex pollen.”</p><p>Please read the tags for warnings; more detailed warnings in end notes</p>
            </blockquote>





	Appreciation

Steve Rogers is so good to him. Ever since the man called Bucky Barnes had let himself be found, things are wonderful. Steve lets him eat at the table – as much food as he wants – and sit on the couch when there is nothing important to do. He is even allowed to sleep in Steve’s bed –under the covers, not at the foot of the bed. There are no dangerous missions required of him; he simply has to assist with the maintenance of an apartment and provisions for two people. When he leaves the apartment, he has to tell Steve the reason and an estimated time for return, but he has been allowed to leave every time. And since Bucky has come under Steve’s command, Steve has never hurt him. Steve’s touches actually feel good. Touch usually only felt good when it was necessary for him to be aroused, but these touches are different.  
Bucky tried to thank Steve for everything Steve has done for him, but it upset Steve for some reason. Steve said that the other good touches – hands on arms or faces, and lips on lips – had been enough for Steve. Steve said he didn’t want Bucky to have sex simply out of obligation, but only if Bucky actually wanted to. Bucky does want to; it was a way of showing Steve that Bucky liked and appreciated him, and Steve wouldn’t make it hurt as much as the others had. He thought he made what he wanted obvious enough, kneeling naked by the foot of Steve’s bed when Steve returned from the shower.  
The next day, Bucky thinks it through and realizes the problem – he hadn’t had an erection, so Steve hadn’t been sure that Bucky wanted it. Bucky isn’t stupid, he knows that erections are how you can tell a man wants sex, his just has never been important to the person he was having sex with before. Steve is different than anyone else who had been in charge of Bucky though; it makes sense that his concern for Bucky’s comfort would extend to this area as well.  
The only problem is that Bucky isn’t entirely sure how to give himself an erection. He tries, one day when Steve is out to lunch with the Black Widow. Some of the agents who have used him before seemed to get aroused without any physical stimulation, but that is something Bucky certainly can’t do. When they needed Bucky to have an erection, they had touched a specific spot in his ass, and sometimes rubbed his penis as well.  
Bucky tries stroking his penis, but the metal plates catch painfully, creating a scratch. He ignores it, as it did not damage the artery and will close in a few minutes on its own. He tries stroking with the other hand, but it keeps feeling bad whenever he nears the scrape, and just letting his fingers run along the other side doesn’t cause arousal. Bucky decides to start with his weak hand for finding the spot in his asshole, as the skin there is even more delicate than on his penis. The first finger hurts, until he remembers that you need something wet to ease the way. Steve allows him food, and soap for cleaning with, but this is neither, so he can’t use resources on it without approval. That leaves tap water, which isn’t monitored, and Bucky is explicitly allowed to use as much of as he wants. He goes into the bathroom and sticks his right hand under the tap, getting it thoroughly wet. He sticks one finger inside himself quickly, before the water can run off. It hurts, but poking around he can find the spot that the handlers always touch. After eight frustrating minutes, although there are occasional bursts of _something_ when he brushes against the spot, his penis is still flaccid. Bucky gives up, as Steve is likely to return to the apartment soon, and gets dressed. 

~~~~~~

That night, Bucky remembers a way he can get Steve to accept his thanks. He has been trying not to think too much about the people who had been in charge of him before, as speaking about them always made Steve either sad or angry. He is especially careful when talking about his metal arm, as Steve thinks that having only one weak arm is bad, and that the loss of Bucky’s original arm was Steve’s fault. But the metal arm is so useful, Bucky honestly likes it, and now that he thinks about it, he can recall some of its hidden features. The fingers all have powders under the tips – a paralytic for surgery, cyanide in case of inescapable capture, something to give him energy (that one might be cocaine, he isn’t sure), and a chemical to arouse him. He does not remember using any of them, but is certain that all of them except the cyanide work, with the kind of certainty that only comes from removed memories. It’s comforting, as now he is confident in his plan to thank Steve for all Steve has done for him.  
It takes three days before Steve leaves Bucky alone again in the apartment for longer than forty minutes. Steve always seems worried that Bucky will run away, or disappear, if left too long alone. But today, Steve is going to a meeting with Sam Wilson at the Veteran’s Administration, and will be gone for at least two hours, longer if he stops for groceries. Bucky continues to read the newspaper for fifteen minutes after Steve leaves, waiting to be certain Steve won’t return for a forgotten key or wallet. He knows that all of the powders act in one hour or less, so there are still forty-five minutes to get ready. Once he’s certain that Steve is gone, he starts preparing. The sheets on the bed are clean, but Bucky straightens them, and checks Steve’s nightstand for lube, careful not to disturb anything. He makes sure several belts are on top of the dresser, in case Steve wishes to restrain him.  
Bucky carefully unscrews the tip of his left pinky, and shakes the powder out into a glass. The scent is too floral for it to be cyanide, the pink tinge means white energy powder or the hospital-scrub-blue of the paralytic. The powder is where it was supposed to be, and matches the arousal powder is color and odor, so Bucky closes his finger and goes to shower. He is aware that some people masturbate while they shower, so he does not take the powder yet, as his arousal is for Steve’s use. Bucky cleans himself carefully, paying more attention than normal to his genitals and his asshole so that Steve will not repulsed however Steve wants to touch him. When finished, he dries himself off but does not redress, going to where he left the glass in the kitchen. He fills it with four ounces of water to dissolve the powder, and drains the glass. He has sixty-five minutes left until Steve’s expected return, so he goes to wait in the bedroom for Steve. 

~~~~~~~

The arousal powder, it turns out, begins to take effect after fifteen minutes and is in full effect after twenty five minutes. Bucky is hard, and when he runs his flesh hand along his cock this time it feels _so good_. He wants release, but knows he has to restrain himself. He recalls now that the powder lasts for a set number of his orgasms, though he can’t remember how many. He’s doing this to thank Steve, and Steve should get the most complete thanks possible. Bucky stands up from the bed, and clasps his hands behind his back, his left wrist in his right hand. This will keep him from touching his penis, and is the position he is supposed to wait in for superior officers.  
But Steve doesn’t want Bucky to see him as a superior officer, so standing like that is wrong. He likes when Bucky pretends they’re equal. Waiting on the couch for Steve usually makes him happy, but the couch is visible from the door. Sam occasionally accompanies Steve back from the meetings, and Steve has said that it is not allowed to be naked in front of other people. (Luckily, the rule doesn’t seem to apply to nudity in front of Steve, so Bucky doesn’t have to think of another way of communicating his intent.) Besides, Bucky wants to thank Steve, not Sam – although of course that’s ultimately up to Steve. The kitchen is likewise too public, and Steve won’t enter the bathroom if Bucky is in there – solitude in the bathroom is another of Steve’s rules. Bucky could wait in Steve’s study, but Steve keeps files on Bucky and other operatives in there, and would probably not appreciate it being messed up. Besides, the lube is in Steve’s nightstand. Bucky isn’t supposed to touch things in Steve’s nightstand without permission, and being in the same room as the lube might make this less painful.  
After a bit more thought, Bucky decides that lying back on the bed is most appropriate. Movies and TV shows use this position to indicate seduction, and it shows Steve quite obviously how much Bucky wants him. Kneeling last time had been a mistake, given how much Steve likes the performance of equality, and one that there is no reason to repeat. He puts his hands behind his head to keep from touching himself; hopefully it will look to Steve like he’s just propping up his head. A glance at the clock tells him that Steve will not be back for at least thirty minutes longer. He tries to rest, settling into the sniper’s calm as he waits. 

~~~~~~~~

Steve returns two hours and ten minutes after his departure, after Bucky has been aroused for a full hour. He is glad that HYDRA taught him self restraint, as now he can please Steve.  
“Hey Bucky, I’m back. The meeting went pretty well, most of the guys are finally relaxing around me. Where are you?”  
“In here, Steve,” he calls back.  
Steve looks startled when he sees Bucky lying back and exposed on the bed. “What are you doing?”  
“Waiting for you. I want to show you how happy you make me.”  
“Bucky, we talked about this. You don’t have to – do anything to thank me. Just having you here is plenty.”  
“But I want to,” Bucky responds, moving his right hand down and stroking his cock pointedly. “Steve, I want to have sex with you; I can make you feel so good.”  
Steve is looking less opposed to the idea. “If you’re sure.”  
“Yes, Steve, I am.” Bucky considers begging, unclear whether that will actually make Steve more willing to use him. Begging reminds the other person that they are in complete control of him, and Steve doesn’t like that. Still, elaborating a little bit might help Steve understand what Bucky’s offering. “I want to feel you come in me, Steve, get me all dirtied up. I want to see your face when I suck your cock.”  
Steve lunges across the room and kisses Bucky at that statement. Bucky wonders for a moment if Steve only wants the small good touches after all, but then Steve is removing his own clothes and Bucky is back on familiar ground.

~~~~~~~~

When Steve puts his fingers in Bucky, it’s different than the others before. This isn’t just about making Bucky loose enough for Steve to fit; this involves a lot of rubbing around the outside, and touching the spot inside him. It confuses Bucky at first, as he’s already hard so there’s no need to touch there more, but the confusion soon gets lost in the sheer physical pleasure. When Steve finally slides in, Bucky is amazed at how it doesn’t hurt. It’s all so intense that when Steve kisses him on the first stroke, Bucky comes. He panics for a moment, as Steve hadn’t given him permission, but Steve’s smiling.  
“Do you want me to stop?” Steve asks. “We don’t have to keep going if you’re done.”  
“No, you don’t have to stop. I can keep going, look.” Bucky moves his smooth hand down his body, showing Steve that he’s still hard. Apparently Steve is unaware of Bucky’s full sexual capabilities; the oddest things are censored from his file when he is transferred.  
Steve smirks a bit when he sees, but just says, “I guess you can. Let me know if you get too sensitive, okay?”  
Bucky nods in response, and Steve starts thrusting in earnest. It feels even more intense than before, and so much that Bucky can no longer enjoy it. But it’s his own fault for coming without permission, and he has plenty of practice acting like he enjoys this, so there’s no reason for Steve to stop. After a few minutes, it starts to feel good again, and he starts pushing back and clenching, as so far he hasn’t been very active in thanking Steve. Steve moans, and a minute later grabs Bucky’s hips hard and comes.  
Steve had gone soft and collapsed on top of Bucky when he came, but after a moment he says “Oh, sorry, I’m practically crushing you. I’ll move.”  
Bucky doesn’t mind Steve being on top of him, as the weight is nowhere near enough to reduce Bucky’s lung function, so just smiles at him. Steve likes it when Bucky smiles, so it’s become his default response when he can’t understand why Steve is doing something. Steve pulls out and lies down next to Bucky, who glances over to check that Steve is satisfied. Surprisingly, Steve is hard again – although that probably shouldn’t be a surprise, as Steve is physiologically closer to Bucky than to previous commanders. Bucky moves down the bed to suck Steve’s penis. If he sucks Steve for half of Steve’s orgasms, Bucky’s hole will get a chance to tighten up a little between uses, and Steve won’t need to put anything extra in his hole to enjoy it.  
“Wait, Bucky, what’re you doing?” Steve asks, putting an end to that plan. Maybe Steve doesn’t want Bucky to suggest the next step, even though he rewards initiative in Bucky the rest of the time. Bucky knows by now that some people place a strict separation on how they act during sex compared to normal operations.  
“I was going to suck your cock, Steve,” Bucky answers. He always answers Steve’s questions, and maybe Steve will tell him what he did wrong.  
“Yeah, but I was just in your ass. Isn’t it – dirty?”  
It makes sense now; Steve is concerned about Bucky’s health. “I can’t get sick. And I cleaned myself very thoroughly before you got home, so there probably won’t even be a bad taste.”  
Steve’s cock jerks at that, and he says, “Fuck, that’s so hot Bucky. Okay, yeah, suck my cock. I want to see you do it.”  
Bucky sees no reason to go slow, and swallows Steve down to the root immediately. He pulls back after a moment to better use his tongue, licking all around the head. He then goes back down again, doing his best to get Steve off. When Steve comes, Bucky makes sure to swallow it all.  
Steve is a bit sleepy-looking afterwards, but motions for Bucky to move up on the bed next to him. Bucky does, and Steve leans over and starts stroking Bucky’s penis. Bucky doesn’t quite understand how this benefits Steve, but Steve wants to stroke him, so he lets Steve. Besides, it feels good. After a minute or two, Bucky comes, and it feels even more overwhelming as the first time, as now the element of fear is gone.  
Steve makes a surprised sound after Bucky comes. “Wow, even I need a minute or so to recover, but you’re hard already. Guess your serum is better than mine at something after all.”  
The ‘serum’ refers to the inherent physiological differences that separate from Bucky and Steve from other humans; the powder’s effects are not included. Bucky cautiously corrects him. “Steve, it’s not the serum. It’s a powder that I took so that I could be good for you, Steve. I wanted to show you how much I appreciate you.” Steve’s face falls, and Bucky, recognizing that his answer has been insufficient, quickly compliments Steve, “And you make me feel so good for me too Steve; I didn't know how good it could be before you.”  
That seems to upset Steve even more, and he sits up on the bed, no longer touching Bucky. “Before me,” he mutters, “No, I’ll deal with that later, I’ve got to focus on what Bucky needs right now.” He clears his throat and look Bucky in the eye. “Bucky, you mentioned a powder – explain.”  
“HYDRA scientists developed a chemical to induce an erection in – my body. The erection lasts for eight ejaculations, ten if bodyweight is low. The chemical is a light pink powder that is effective in doses of only a few milliliters; speed of response increases when dissolved in water prior to ingestion. You had previously rejected my thanks when I was not aroused, so I took the powder on powder to better please you.”  
“How long do the – effects of the powder last, if you don’t come eight times?” Steve asks.  
“No known time limit. It won’t distract me; I’ve been left in this state for three days before in order to properly thank personnel remaining on base, and still shot the target perfectly. I have no memory of longer incidents,” Bucky reports.  
“Can you get yourself off?”  
“Uncertain. I’ve never attempted to do so before while using the powder, and have not in my memory gotten aroused without it.”  
Steve squares his features, as if preparing for a difficult mission, and puts his hand back into Bucky’s lap. “Okay.” He stated, “Let’s get this over with, then we’ll talk about getting consent before you plan for sex.”

**Author's Note:**

> Adding line breaks below so that you hopefully don't see the end of the fic when checking for warnings.  
> Concrit welcome  
> ~  
> ~  
> ~  
> ~  
> ~  
> ~  
> ~  
> ~  
> ~  
> Bucky was used sexually while under the control of HYDRA, and now views Steve as his commanding officer. He drugs himself (his mind is unaffected) in order to be able to respond sexually to Steve. Steve agrees to sex with Bucky because he believes Bucky is remembering a past relationship, and would not want to have sex with Bucky if he knew Bucky was drugged. When he finds out, he continues for the sake of Bucky's comfort and physical health. Bucky continues with sex that causes him pain without alerting Steve, despite Steve asking to be alerted if he caused pain.
> 
> Bucky believes that his sexual response is only for the purpose of pleasing others. 
> 
> References to Bucky having been drugged without his consent in the past, as well as to him being "shared" sexually with other people. References to past orgasm delay/denial for Bucky.
> 
> Very brief references to past torture/physical abuse. Mention of suicide.
> 
> The penile injury is a scrape along Bucky's penis due to his metal hand; it causes pain but no lasting damage.


End file.
